I can't remember if I've blogged about this, but I do recall playing it once or twice at 'offsites'.   And 'offsite', is one of the problems.   Most words do carry some sort of descriptive element - one assumes this is the purpose of communication - but a whole breed of new words or phrases either don't, or are intend to be over complex or somehow convey a higher intellect from the speaker.

Or perhaps just obfuscate.  

Generally they make the speaker sound like a plonker and of course an offsite meens a meeting that is held away from the office.   Meeting would work equally well - but it doesn't sound as flash.

Daily Torygraph readers have had a bit of a thing about this today and I'll list a few.. plus a few of my own.

Why "Cheers" Instead of Thank-you or Thanks?

When told to "enjoy" reply " I certainly hope I will or I will not be paying the bill"

The correct reply to have a nice day is “Thank you but I have made other arrangements”

The correct reply for customers asking ' Can I get a coffee' is " No , this is my job I will ...   more »

Gordon Ramsay is famous for it - he even named a TV show after it - but it was Billy Connolly who used it in his act and explained why, for certain situations, only the F-word will do.

You simply cannot convey the same emotion / distress / anger with such banalities as ... ''Oh why don't you just go away!''    Or, as in the picture below... ''What on earth have you children done?!''   ''Wait 'till your father get's home!!!!''

The amount of negative reaction to Government proposals re road pricing must have taken them somewhat by surprise, as the spin doctors had to work overtime to craft a weasily little e-mail response from B.Liar.   Before I post the text of that mail I thought this useful snippet from reader Stephen on why road pricing will happen, would be of interest.

The theory is that road pricing will go ahead because of an EU law to which the Gov't is party.  This EU directive on electronic toll collections has committed the UK to a system of road charging run from Brussels.

UKIP transport spokesman Mike Nattrass condemned the plans as 'a disgraceful scheme to spy on people and take their money at the same time.   This government signed up to Directive 2004/52 whcih will ensure the entire road pricing schemes in the EU countries are the same and can be linked to Galileo'

'The Transport Secretary might say be welcomes a debate, but in reality we have very little choice.   The fact of the matter is that Galileo has to be paid for somehow and, as usual, it is the taxpayer who has to foot the bill for something they were never even asked about.   The British taxpayer has already paid £200 million into it - what a few more million to this government and the EU?'

Mr Nattrass added, 'Is there no area of life this government and the EU won't pry into and no area of our pockets they won't take money from?'

Galileo exists to challenge the (free) American GPS system which is near bankrupt and the only way the EU can afford to fund it is to find ways to pay for it, either out of direct or indirect taxation.   Because our Government supports the project and supports the directive it must either pay directly for it, or pay a licensing fee for using its road pricing facility.

So, the future is worse than we thought.   Additional vehicle taxation is only a matter of time.   Transport Minister Ladyman fended off question quite well on Newsnight but, the one he will not answer is the one we all need to know:  Will we see the removal of fuel duty when road pricing is introduced?   

Of course, you already know the answer to that one.   More soon.

Where are they when you need one?

Many thanks to reader Bill for sending this one to me.

I've been bottling this up for a few days:  the proposal from Peter Hain, the UK's Northern Ireland Secretary, that he thought that City bonuses had created a 'grotesque' wealth gap, and suggested that bankers give two thirds of their incentive comp to deprived communities.

Hain told the newspaper that 'there's a real problem of people on average incomes feeling there's a sort of super rich class right at the top. What is it ? Four thousand City workers receiving more than a million pounds each in bonuses. People don't feel that's proportionate'. The Minister then suggested that City workers 'give two-thirds of that £8.8bn (City bonus pot) and invest it in charity or invest it in regeneration schemes for unemployed kids'. Hain continued by threatening that 'in the interests of the City, particularly if they don't want to invite attacks for greater regulation or changes in taxation, if they don't (want to) get into that kind of arena, then they have to show a lead'.

Noodle sent me a round robin e-mail about this and I thought it timely to remind any readers who have not yet signed up in protest at our control freak governments latest attempt to govern and extort taxes from us.

The petition calls for the Gov't to abandon it's plans for road pricing - I've already posted my views on this - so I'll quote from the Petition website and it's author:

The idea of tracking every vehicle at all times is sinister and wrong. Road pricing is already here with the high level of taxation on fuel. The more you travel - the more tax you pay.

It will be an unfair tax on those who live apart from families and poorer people who will not be able to afford the high monthly costs.

Please Mr Blair - forget about road pricing and concentrate on improving our roads to reduce congestion.

As I write there are over 877,000 names on the petition.  Every one a voter.   Democracy at work folks.   Click here to sign up

Sent over by Gareth from Hong Kong, these images are very clever... I'll be sharing a few over the coming weeks.

Swapped comments with Brixton Boy who continues his world tour of pubs and is now in Rajasthan in North West India.   It's a fabulous place and where Shivs and I spent part of our honeymoon (ah, nostalgia!).

This is the Lake Palace Hotel in Udaipur, where part of James Bonds Octopussy was shot and where many of the cast stayed.   We were in the room right on the far left looking out over the lake towards Jag Mandir, where some of the scenes were filmed.   An amazing hotel in a unique location.

Brixton Boy did not reveal details of his accommodation, but I expect he was in budget digs, saving his hard earned for beers.   Can't fault the logic there.

We've all endured them.   Cold callers, bringing you the good news of what you've won, or will win if you just buy this or that..   Keen to be your new best friend and keep you on the line as long as they can to pitch something to you which is such a good deal.

Now there are many ways to deal with them.   Hanging up is easy but, if you have a little time, you can have a lot more fun.

This link will take you to a site which has one of the best telemarketer prank calls I've ever heard.   Enjoy!

Not the first time I've published this little gem... never more topical!

I was very saddened to hear of the death of David Rattray, with whom I had the privilege of having lunch and then hearing speak in Hong Kong a couple of years ago.   The obituary in the Telegraph does him justice... the comments about listening to him relate the story of Isandlwana truly was goose bump stuff.. it was theatrical, emotional and passionate.

He's been talking about it for ages, but finally he's done it.   Brixton Boy has quit his job and headed off on a 12 month round the world tour.

Brixton Boy's blog is here.  Visit and leave messages - hopefully he will be checking and will be able to tell us what a good time he's having.

Saturday morning, bright and early .. no wait, this is England so it was dark at 7.00am... so Saturday morning, dark and early The Fisherman and I headed West along the M4 into deepest Mid Wales for a days rough shooting.

As dawn broke and the clouds thinned, we could see that after a week of howling gales and rain the sun was out over the Wye valley.   Promising indeed.

So, after a quick coffee, it was boots on, guns out and off we went in the Land Rovers for the first three 'drives' - I'm using parentheses because this was not a formal shoot, but beaters and guns working with dogs through woodland with 3 of us on the edge of the wood, spread out, but not on pegs.

The Fisherman had promised me varied and interesting shooting amidst spectacular shooting and I was not disappointed.   From the end of the lane where we parked the cars we walked a couple of miles over and around a wooded hillside and down the other side to a huge field leading down to the river.   Pheasants eluded me, but a flight of duck took off from the river and circled tantalisingly around me out of range.   But in range for Robin, who bagged a teal.

Back in the vehicles we drove a mile or so along the valley to another long wood flanked with muddy waterlogged fields.   With all this water and mud, walking in boots carrying a gun and what can only be described as an optimistic number of cartridges, is not easy.   So, having added a couple more pheasants, a woodcock and a pigeon to the bag, we headed back to the cottage for lunch.

Out again promptly, refreshed by hot Muligatawny and Fullers London Pride, we walked down through the gardens, over a field and along the top of a wooded valley leading down to the river.   The eager spaniels flushed three birds out in quick succession and I managed to bag two, although one did a runner back into the cover.

Down into the valley we walked - hoping for woodcock - but The Fisherman and I waited patiently in vain, finally walking back up to the cottage without firing a shot.    We had enough time for two more drives and headed off immediately into thick woodland, with me standing out in the field.  

Sadly we'd seen the best of the pheasants earlier in the day and save for a woodcock out of range and a sheep that seemed to be in the middle of dying of something - not a gunshot would I hasted to add - there were no more birds.

So, total tally was;  16 pheasants, 1 pigeon, 1 dove, 1 woodcock, 1 rabbit, 1 duck.  

The Wye valley is beautiful, the weather was kind and company excellent.   All in all a very good end to this year shooting season and, best of all, I took the teal home and we ate it on Sunday.  Yum.

 

Shamelessly right clicked from the Torygraph... one of the best topical cartoons I've seen for ages.   Is it windy where you are?   Blowing a bloomin' gale in London.

Richard Hammonds survival of a 288mph crash in a jet powered dragster is well known and footage will be broadcast on Sunday's Top Gear on BBC ... here's a taster:

There is an increasing amount of talk about the governments intentions to implement road pricing across the UK.

Regular readers will know my view is that we already have a very effective means of road pricing via excise duty on fuel, which effectively taxes how many miles you drive as well as the efficiency of your vehicle.

However, it does not tax where you drive - and this is one of the key points.   Our government wants to control this as well as make a sizeable amount of money out of us.

In principle, I see no issue with the idea that people should pay for what they use.   But I have three caveats to the imposition of road pricing: 

One, that excise duty on fuel and 'road fund licences' be scrapped.   Completely.  

Two, that the information from the 'black box' used to track where you are and what road you are driving on is not used for any other purpose... for example to assess what speed you are driving.  

Three:  that the money collected from road pricing be directly re-invested in good transport infrastructure and not frittered away by the government on some lefty hare brained nonsense.

So, on the basis that I have 100% zero confidence in Toni or Tax and Waste Brown to honour any of my caveats, my vote is to sign the petition firmly against road pricing.

Here's the link.   

Remember, all car drivers are voters.  You know it makes sense.

Obviously dear reader, I cannot resist a barb at Ruth Kelly for her total hypocrisy in the decision to remove her child from state education, justifying it because he is a special needs child.

I am staggered.... actually I'm not.. let's be honest - do you expect any less from these muppets?    She justifies this on the grounds that he is dyslexic which of course makes it OK.

No it doesn't   Dyslexic or not all kids need the best education we can give them and whether that is through a state system, or through private schooling - the choice of many a good taxpayer - it should be parental choice.

NuLabour simply has to deal with this and recognise that a good state school system can happily co-exist with a private one and that a 'one size fits all' approach is good for none.   And that to force those who cannot pay to put up with what NuLabours former Minister for Education clearly regards as sub standard is utter hipocrisy and, ultimately, arrogance.

And as the Torygraph points out:

Harriet Harman sent her son to a selective school

Principled Left-winger Diane Abbott sent her child to a private school.

Current Education Secretary, Alan Johnson, has helped a constituent place her child in a private school because he was "a very bright boy who wants to do science" and the state sector could offer him nothing.

The Prime Minister stretched the system to breaking point to ensure his children went to schools that select by interview.   And who is going to turn them away?

As Sir Digby Jones (former Director General of the CBI) said last year, ''I've learned not to listen to what politicians say, but to watch what they do''.

Quite.

Regular readers will have spotted that some months ago I attached a clever little link to the right hand column which list todays significant birthdays.   As Big Mike pointed out, they can be somewhat US centric, but no matter, they can provide what passes for educational content amidst the sea of trivia that is this site.

Anyway, the reason for pointing this out today is because of who is celebrating.   Elvis isn't - partly because he is dead and partly because were he alive he would have celebrated last night and be in smack heaven as I type - but David Jones is.

David Robert Jones was born today in 1947 in Brixton, London.   As David Bowie, his first big hit was 1969's "Space Oddity." In 1972 he recorded The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars, which featured the hit songs "Suffragette City" and "Starman."    Bowie is one of pop's true chameleons, reinventing himself repeatedly and finding new audiences and, although he has not had a top ten hit since 1993, he remains one of music's biggest stars.   It's not all been good though... remember his duet with Bing Crosby - 'Little drummer boy'....?

My own Bowie collection is quite extensive, starting with a song of which many of you will never have heard.   The Lauging Gnome is a comedy song released in 1966 and (sad I know..) I have it on a Deram records 7'' vinyl pressing....   Janice Long played it last night and reminded me what a hoot it is... lyrics are below and the bits in brackets are the Gnome in a sort of chuckly squeeky gnomish sort of voice... (really, it's a great song!)

I was walking down the High Street
When I heard footsteps behind me
And there was a little old man (Hello)
In scarlet and grey, shuffling away (laughter)
Well he trotted back to my house
And he sat beside the telly (Oaah..)
With his tiny hands on his tummy
Chuckling away, laughing all day (laughter)

Oh, I ought to report you to the Gnome office
(Gnome Office)
Yes
(Hahahahaha)

CHORUS
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me"
Said the laughing Gnome

Well I gave him roasted toadstools and a glass of dandelion wine (Burp, pardon)
Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne
Carried his bag and gave him a fag
(Haven't you got a light boy?)
"Here, where do you come from?"
(Gnome-man's land, hahihihi)
"Oh, really?"

In the morning when I woke up
He was sitting on the edge of my bed
With his brother whose name was Fred
He'd bought him along to sing me a song

Right, let's hear it
Here, what's that clicking noise?
(That's Fred, he's a "metrognome", haha)

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me"

(Own up, I'm a gnome, ain't I right, haha)
"Haven't you got an 'ome to go to?"
(No, we're gnomads)
"Didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school?
you look like a rolling gnome."
(No, not at the London School of Ecognomics)

Now they're staying up the chimney
And we're living on caviar and honey (hooray!)
Cause they're earning me lots of money
Writing comedy prose for radio shows
It's the-er (what?)
It's the Gnome service of course

Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you don't catch me"
Ha ha ha, oh, dear me

(Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me"
Ha ha ha, hee hee hee
"I'm a laughing Gnome and you can't catch me")

(One more time, yeah)

I've only seen Bowie live once, in Hong Kong about 2 years ago where he was fantastic.   He started with ''So, Hong Kong... how the f**k are you?'' and proceeded to entertain for 2 hours.   He did not disappoint.

Happy Birthday David.

 

Not that there is much to laugh about down under after our team was sent packing 5-0 in the Ashes test.... what a pitiful result... hence this joke, from The Hunter newsletter:

Q:   What is the height of optimism?

A:    An English batsman applying sunscreen.

And another one from the same august publication which really sums up Aussie humour for me ... and you really can hear the strine in this.....

Telephone conversation goes:

''Hello, is this the police?''

''Yes it is.   How can we help you?''

''I'm calling to report about my neighbour, Wazza, he's hiding cocaine in his firewood!''

''Thanks very much for the call.''

The next day, police officers descend on Wazza's house in great numbers.   They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept.   Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood, but they find no cocaine.

They swear at Wazza and leave.

The phone rings at Wazza's house.

''Hey Wazz, did the cops come?''

''Yeah!''

''Did they chop your firewood?''

''Yep''

''Happy Birthday, maaaaaaaaate''

Tee Hee.

It seems like ages.   Well, it has been really.. I've not managed a post since before Christmas, even though I've been on holiday.  I seem to have been flat out every day... such is life I suppose.

Anyway, we had a quiet and relaxing (?) holiday.   Jobs were done around the house and garden, although the list seems to lengthen rather than shorten.   The redecoration continues apace, is really making a difference and works on the outbuildings and garden in general, slowly take shape.

One job of import I did manage to complete was that of having the BGT inspected to enable me to apply for my FIVA certificate so we can enter the Winter Trial which starts at the end of the month.   Car preparation is a little slower... but should be sorted in time.   More on this later.

For New Year we headed down to Watergate Bay in Cornwall with the Fisherman and his family and friends and had a top time despite the apalling gales and horizontal rain.   True to Cornish form, the weather improved the day we left...

Anyway, whilst there we managed one walk on the beach before the rain came down again, an aftenoon shopping in Truro (awful) and several memorable meals.

First was lunch at Fifteen Cornwall which is adjacent to the hotel, perched above the beach with stunning views out across what was a very wild seascape.   Food was OK.. the Antipasti impressed, the Wild Garlic soup was good, but the Truffle Risotto was dissappointing, despite the Fisherman's complaints and an extra grating of the white gold.  

Dinners in the hotel were mostly good - beef excepted - and with wine generally from the Fisherman's own selection we drank well.   New Years Eve was a black tie blur with much dancing as evidence I had too much to drink.   Funny how good booze and sea air = no hangover.

Next was an indulgent lunch at The Seafood Restaurant in Padstow.   A Rick Stein restaurant, we have been many times and it never fails to impress.   Ash was somewhat overwhelmed by the Fruits de Mer - not sure how many 10 year olds would tackle the mix of mussels, crab, clams, whelks, razor clams, prawns, langoustines shrimp and oysters, but she did very well.   I had a splendid Turbot with Hollandaise and we shared a 1999 Puligny Montrachet from Leflaive.   Very agreeable.

Finally on the 2nd we had to join the exodus along the A30 north east and back to Wiltshire and then onto London and the prospect of getting back to work after 10 days away.   Sigh.

As the cinemas prepare for the forthcoming 'hit' Happy Feet (in cinemas from the 26th...) I thought this would be a timely Christmas post.....



'Happy Feet' is set in the great nation of Emperor Penguins, deep in Antarctica, where you're nobody unless you can sing - which is unfortunate for Mumble (Elijah Wood or Frodo Baggins if you prefer), who is the worst singer in the world. He is born dancing to his own tune...tap dancing. Though Mumble's mom, Norma Jean (Nicole Kidman), thinks this little habit is cute, his dad, Memphis (Hugh Jackman), says it 'just ain't penguin.' Besides, they both know that without a Heartsong, Mumble may never find true love. Mumble is just too different - especially for Noah the Elder (Hugo Weaving), the stern leader of Emperor Land, who ultimately casts him out of the community. Mumble sets out across vast landscapes and, after some epic encounters, proves that by being true to yourself, you can make all the difference in the world.

Sounds awful.   Bah Humbug!

At this time of the year it is important to spend time with family and friends.   We have a quiet Christmas planned.... to be followed by a less quiet New Year celebrating the Fisherman's birthday down in Cornwall.

I've been somewhat slack in posting over the last week (don't ask, but suffice to say I need a holiday!) but did want to write a holiday message.   As usual, plagiarism came to the rescue and Shivs sent this over from Gordon in Hong Kong.....

I wanted to send some sort of end-of-the-year holiday greetings to my friends and colleagues, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone.

So I met with my lawyer yesterday and, on his advice, I wish to say the following:-

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society both varied and interesting, and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting these greetings, you are accepting these terms:

This message of greetings is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.

This was sent to me from old pal David ex of Hong Kong and soon to be navigator extraordinaire on the Winter Trial.....    The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any work from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and suppy a new definitions.

Here are some of the best entries:

1.  Bozone (n.)   The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.   The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2.  Cashtration (n.)   The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

3.  Giraffiti (n.)   Vandalism spray painted very, very high.

4.  Sarchasm (n.)  The gulf between auther of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

More tomorrow!

The motorist remains a soft and lucrative target for those seeking to raise more and more revenue... petrol was increased by 1.25p per litre last week by Greedy Gordy.

Safety Camera Partnerships (can you think of a more repugnant oxymoron?) do raise money, although not as much as you would think.   In 2004 they raised £112Million against an operating cost of £92Million, making a profit of just £20Million.

Many of the cameras are operated by third party companies and not by the police.

So someone is making a good living out of turning ordinary folks into criminals...... more on this one soon.... 

Last nights cooking shows on BBC2 provided a wonderful contrast of styles.

The ever so slightly over complex science as espoused by Heston Blumenthal (he of The Fat Duck and weird flavour ice cream fame) and Rick Stein from Padstow and Food Heroes and the Keep it (reasonably) Simple Stupid school.

Heston was searching for the recipe for the perfect roast chicken.   Crispy skin on the outside yet moist and tender on the inside.   He blanched it, iced it, dried it, slow cooked it and incinerated it by accident in a bin full of fat in the car park.   I can't recall the final steps to perfection - I had lapsed into a coma.

Half an hour earlier Rick was scouring the UK for perfect fresh foodstuffs - and advising on the best way to cook them.   He covered turkey and chicken and showed us his way of cooking the perfect roast bird for Christmas.   Very nice too.

Then he shared Escoffier's recipe for chicken:

Place the chicken in a medium hot oven and roast until cooked.

Eat your heart out Heston.

According to an article in Metro (quite good London freebie daily rag) research has shown than left handed people tend to think quicker and be better at sport than righties.   The study proves they are better at doing complex jobs like flying jet fighters for example.

The research was carried out by a Dr. Nick Cherbuin - who is right handed.

Of course he is.

We lefties could have saved him the bother of researching - all he had to do was ask.

This piece of news from the Torygraph made me spill my double expresso....

Gordon Brown told business leaders that he is determined to remove the burden of unnecessary regulation and "old-style routine inspection and enforcement".

Pretty good so far.......

In future, resources would be focused on areas where the risks to society were greatest, he said at the annual conference of the Confederation of British Industry yesterday.

OK... a bit light on specifics, but we're listening....

The Chancellor announced he had brought forward the timetable for establishing the Local Better Regulation Office from 2009 to next year.

Ahh!   So that's it!   Brilliant.   Absolutely Brilliant.   Cutting red tape by creating another Government Red Tape Department.   What a winner.

Just who does he think he is kidding?

At the risk of this blog becoming simply a facsimile of Quote / Unquote, I could not resist this one from Johnny 'Two Jag's'.   Opening his mouth once again to merely change feet our Deputy Prime Minister said:

The Green Belt is a Labour acheivement and we mean to build on it

Perfect.

This of course begs the question of how.   With the threatened Planning Gain supplement no developer is going to be running to build more houses than they need to keep their teams busy, this side of a General Election, hoping for a repeal of the bill next term.    Landowners will be disincentivised to put land up for sale as the rewards are reduced.

And the pundits say we need 30,000 homes per year to meet demand and to control house price rises.

I can see NuLabour has really thought this one through.   Again.

Regular readers will know I am a fan of quotes and Mr. FM's post yesterday from Winston Churchill, prompted me to share this.   Of the many memorable quotes about wine, this is one of my favourites; on Champagne:

I drink it when I'm happy and when I'm sad.   Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.  When I have company I consider it obligatory, I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and drink it when I am.   Otherwise I never touch it - unless I'm thirsty.

Madame Bollinger

It's official:  the start of the 'holiday season'.    We can't call it Christmas any more as it offends too many people of other faiths.   Odd that the athiests couldn't give a stuff.... anyway, I digress, for my regular American readers - yes there is more than one of you - I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, wherever you may be.

And there's a little bit of animated Turkey related fun attached too.

   more »

A long time ago at school - yes, I know, it is a scary thought - we had to read Voltaire's Candide and, as it is his birthday today I thought a few of his quotes would brighten your day.   Good quotes really do stand the test of time.... and these are immortal:

On Religion

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense.

If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him. 

If God created us in his own image, we have more than reciprocated.

On Government

An ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination.

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another.

I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

and one for my wife...

I hate women because they always know where things are.

Clever chap Voltaire.. and he's never even met her!

All of a sudden, navigating through London, with its collection of crazed mini-cab drivers, mad cyclists and scooter owners, wild white van men, aggressive joe public and diplomatically plated supercars, all driven with scant regard for either other road users or the Highway code, seems rather plain.

This is a fairly typical scene but, on any given highway in an Indian town you can see:   Bicycles, motorbikes, scooters, pedestrians, carts (horse, donkey, camel and even human powered), cows, chickens, vans, tuk-tuks, lorries, buses, taxis, jeeps and elephants.

Right of way is given to Cows first and then a rather practical system based - not on any form of code or rules - but on who's biggest and likely to cause me the most damage. 

If I see them.

If I can't see them, or alternatively am staring straight ahead, fixing my gaze resolutely at a point in the middle distance and absolutely refusing to acknowledge the approaching vehicle as I cross the road, then they are deemed to have seen me and must slow down / swerve violiently / hit me.   You have to see it to believe it, but trust me, it's true.

Watching the UK Music Industry's Hall of Fame last night, one of the quotes lauding Led Zeppelin, from Jack White of the White Stripes was:

I sort of don't trust anybody who doesn't like Led Zepelin

Quite so.

A long time ago in Hong Kong, a group of wine lovers got together to taste wine and have an enjoyable evening with friends.   At the time, The Hong Kong Wine Society met regularly and they took things somewhat seriously.

On the other hand... Not The Hong Kong Wine Society had a different approach.   There was only one rule:  No Spitting.   I have no proof, but there remains a suspicion that the rule had less to do with the prominent signs on the Star Ferry, than the idea that wine was to be drunk and not swilled and subsequently spat out.

It's now over 25 years since the inception of NTHKWS and the Society still thrives, both in Hong Kong and the UK.   With the return of members over the years, the UK chapter started meeting and now convenes twice a year, following the traditional format.   A home hosted evening of tasting, followed by dinner and a good catch up on the gossip.  There are now two rules as far as I can tell:  No spitting.   And to be a member you had to be a member in Hong Kong.   Good tradition in my book.

So, thinking we would have long moved house and be settled and ready to host the evening, yours truly said we would do the November event.   And in keeping with all the best laid plans, a month after we actually completed on our purchase, we entertained 18 friends from NTHKWS, at our house.

Amidst the preparation of food, arrangement of accommodation, redecoration of rooms so we could actually put up a few friends I had to think about what we should taste....

I consulted with the Oracle(s) and settled on Shiraz / Syrah from around the world.   One of the aims of the Society has always been to find interesting and good value wines so I sourced alternatives from Bowes Wine, Berry Bros, Odd Bins as well as Waitrose and Captain Cork's cellar.

Another of the traditions of the Society was that the expensive wines rarely did so well... to the point that we usually preferred the underdog.   Last weeks tasting was no different as, from 8 wines priced between 3.50 and 30 odd quid, the winner was almost the cheapest:

Result    Wine                                                Vintage       Price

1            Dona Paula, Los Cardos Shiraz        2004           6.00
2            EQ Syrah                                          2004          13.60
3            Joan D'Anguera, El Bugader            2001          25.00
4            InyconShiraz                                     2005          3.49
5            Qupe Syrah Bien Nacido                  2000          22.95
6            Rusden, Black Guts, Shiraz,             1999          30.00
7            Crozes Hermitage                             2004          12.95
              Domaine des Lises, Maxime Graillot
8            Kanonkop                                         1997          25.00

The Dona Paula is available from an Odd Bins near you.

I supposed it had to happen - but it came as quite a shock to read that the Star Ferry Pier in Central, together with the adjacent Queens Pier is to be demolished as a result of reclamation along the north shore of Hong Kong Island.  Both piers will be re-positioned further out into the harbour on newly reclaimed land

Why the nostalgia?   Well, it was my regular transport to work for most of the 9 years I worked in Tsim Sha Tsui and Queens Pier was the boarding point for many of the junk trips to Lamma.

(Looking north towards Tsim Sha Tsui, you can see the Star Ferry Pier on the left with Queens Pier on the right)

The Ferry has a unique place in Hong Kong's history.   In 1966 a fare increase of 10 cents sparked the 1966 Hong Kong riots and, until the opening of the Cross Harbour Tunnel in 1972, the Star Ferry was the main means of public transportation between Hong Kong Island and Kowloon.

The Star Ferry makes a "star turn" in the 1950s film The World of Suzie Wong.  In the beginning of the film, Robert Lomax (played by William Holden debarks from the USS President Harrison (an old American President Line transpacific passenger vessel) and takes the Star Ferry to Hong Kong Island, and on the ferry meets Suzie Wong (played by Nancy Kwan who scorns his attentions as unwanted.

The ferry itself is completely recognizable, and the layout of the pier where William Holden debarks in Kowloon is familiar to the resident or denizen of Tsim Sha Tsui, but missing are the giant shopping malls of today.

From Wikipedia (with my edits..):  

The Star Ferry is a passenger ferry service operator and its' principal routes carry passengers across Victoria Harbour between Hong Kong island and Kowloon.   The company has been operating since the late 1880s. It was founded by Parsee Dorabjee Nowrojee as the Kowloon Ferry Company in 1888 and renamed it to Star Ferry in 1898. The name was inspired by his love of Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar", whose first line was Sunset and evening star, and one clear call for me!

The fleet of twelve ferries operates four routes across the harbour, carrying over 70,000 passengers a day, or 26 million a year. Even though there are now other ways to cross the harbour, by MTR (subway) and road tunnels, the Star Ferry continues to provide an efficient, popular and inexpensive mode of crossing the harbour. The company's main route runs between the main Central District and Tsim Sha Tsui which is what most people mean by "the Star Ferry" in common parlance. This route is also popular with tourists, and has become one of the icons of Hong Kong heritage in the eyes of tourists. From the ferry, one can take in the famous view of the harbour and the Hong Kong skyline.

(Hong Kong from Tsim Sha Tsui waterfront, with the Star Ferry Pier in the Foreground)

Architects and conservationists state that the old piers have important architectural and cultural value to Hong Kong. For the past 50 years, it has witnessed dramatic changes and it plays an important part in their collective memory. Architecturally, the ferry pier is one of the last examples of a Streamline Modern public building in Hong Kong, along with the Central market and Wan Chai market also facing demolition.

Earlier, the Star Ferry Company carried out a technical feasibility study to see whether it could relocate the existing clock mechanism from the old pier. The clock is a precious antique mechanical clock. It was manufactured by the same UK company that provided the mechanical signature to Big Ben of London. However, an expert and specialist clock supplier advised against relocation as there was no guarantee the clock and chimes would continue to work after relocation, due to their age and obsolete components.

Ongoing maintenance of the ageing clock mechanism has also become difficult. Therefore, the company decided to replace the existing clock with a new set of five bells that sound similar to those of the old one.

(Meridian Star (午星號) heading for Central in the late afternoon sun)

Despite the Government's decision to relocate the ferry pier, there are local community efforts to save the Star Ferry Pier and the Clock Tower. Some members of the public call for the complete preservation of the structures. The Hong Kong Institute of Architects vice-president Mr. Vincent Ng Wing-shun, for example, warned that the government was destroying Hong Kong's heritage. "If the government moved a [proposed six-lane] road a little bit to the left or right, then we could save the pier," he said.

Part of the new pier for the Star Ferry will be an existing pier built at the time of the reclamation on which the Hong Kong Station of the Airport Express MTR line and the recently completed IFC (International Finance Centre) are built (i.e. no.7 of the outlying islands ferry piers).

This pier is being rebuilt and expanded eastwards to resemble a replica of the Star Ferry Pier in the early 20th century, rather than the existing, soon-to-be-demolished pier.

The Government accepted a proposal from Star Ferry to adopt a historical heritage design approach. It used the way the piers looked in 1912 as the blueprint for constructing the new piers and clock tower.

Construction began in mid-2003. As these structures occupy a prime waterfront site, the Government took the opportunity to try to develop the piers into a new landmark for public "enjoyment".

Unfortunately, the Government's attempt of trying to create a "historic" building has backfired with heavy criticism from the public of the design. This mock Edwardian design has been criticised as "a set from a film studio, and has been described as "dressing up a modern person in historical costume."

The choice of modern materials and the oversized proportions of the new design contrast with its mock-edwardian style, resulting in a "theme park" appearance. The government does not understand that they cannot recreate history and sense of place by mimicking old styles. The new pier will not stand the test of time as they are fundamentally dishonest, an imitation of the past without capturing the spirit of the past or present.

After the existing clock tower is demolished, the five old bells will be put on display in the new tower's hall and will be an ironic and sad reminder of its lost past.

By relocating the new piers 300m away, the Star Ferry could lose up to 30 percent of passengers due to its inconvenient location as passengers opt for alternative transport. There is a risk that in the long term, the Star Ferry will slowly be reduced to being just a tourist attraction.

The new terminal at Central Piers 7 and 8 will come into operation in November and tickets for the last ride are now all sold out - even at HK$88 a pop.