From yesterdays annoying little teaser, these were the answers:

David Cameron, Pete Doherty, Margaret Thatcher, Charlotte Church. Bottom: Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsay, Nikki Grahame, James Blunt

How did you do?

Illustrator and Marmite lover, Dermott Flynn has created these images from Marmite on Toast.....

Sad, but can you name them?

Answers tomorrow!

Reading the story of the Velux 5 Oceans race today, I was reminded that years ago at school, when I was part of the sailing team, we were denied the same recognition as the rugby team as we were not deemed to be a 'real' sport.   Hence we were not allowed the privilege of signing 'The Colours Book'.

We'd won every match that year:  the only school team so to do - a feat repeated for several successive seasons.

Needless to say this rather inflamed the Master i/c sailing, Mr Beach (no kidding) to the point of him threatening to 'deck' (geddit?) the Deputy Head.   He was not happy of the inference that Yachting was not adequately 'macho'.

Consequently several weeks later, when rugby was cancelled due to bad weather or something, I found myself the host of the First 15 down at the lake on games afternoon..... seems Bob Beach had a score to settle.....or at least we did - on his behalf.

It was a cracking day.  A tad wet, I'll concede, but blowing dogs of chains straight down the lake.   A yachties dream - we were in heaven - a good breeze was not a common occurrence on a small inland lake.

Pretty soon we wised up to our task:  to scare the proverbial out of the rugger buggers.

Easy peasy.    Screaming downwind, broad reaching across each others bow waves to increase the spray soaking the new crew, while we implored them to 'hike harder', lest we capsize.  It was a good afternoon.

I recall we signed The Colours Book quite soon after.

So, for anyone who still thinks yachting is for the faint hearted, take a look at this picture:



60 knot winds, with seas to match, you are racing downwind in excess of the urban speed limit in a 60 foot boat with no brakes.

On your own.   In the dark.

Rugby anyone?

Good news:   Honey has been found.   She hadn't been far at all.   In fact she was at home all the time:  locked in the barn.   Red faces all round for us... there we were combing the countryside waving her squeaker thingy and calling her name...

She's a bright dog:  if only she had the brains to BARK!

Nice to have her back though.

On the one hand the weekend was a great succes and, with the completion of the chicken run, we can look forward to a significant increase in the egg department.

On the other hand it was not, as our beloved Honey has absconded.   Always one eager to chase a rabbit, we fear she nipped out of the gate pursuing something of interest and has become lost and disoriented, in a new environment.   The heavy rain after lunch will have made it impossible for her to follow her scent home.

We've called all the local farmers, alerted the police and our neighbours and the kids have made 'Lost' posters for display in the village shop.   She's 'chipped' so hopefully will be found and returned to us.   Being a Hong Kong hill dog, we know she is quite resourceful and intelligent... as long as that does not extend to chasing local sheep....

On another note we had a visit from Mr and Mrs Panther, drank too much wine (and Armagnac in my case) and popped over to Urchfont on Sunday to smack a few clays.   For the record the results (out of the ususal 50) were:

Panther:   30    Tricky:   16    The Fisherman:   10

So, sitting there with a cup of tea looking a little smug it gave us some pleasure to hear that Top Gun of the morning was a pigeion shooter with a score of 47.  

Mornin'.   Hope you are all sitting comfortably with your morning vat of Starbucks.   Today's post is courtesy of Singapore Tim.   A story with a moral in it:

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a safari in Africa, taking her faithful, aged poodle named Cuddles along for company. 

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long,  Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having him for lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

Whew!," says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.  The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:

"Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with old farts ... age and treachery will always overcome youth and inexperience!    B.S. and brilliance only come with age and experience!

Think about that as you go about your business today!

It was Oscar Wilde's birthday yesterday - well OK, it would have been were he still alive... so for the picky I'll start again:

It was the anniversary of Oscar Wilde's birth yesterday and I was reminded of a particularly good party about 15 years ago in Hong Kong. 

It was titled The Oscar Wilde and the Futurists Party and we all had T shirts for the event.   I still have no real understanding of what this was all about, but I do recall the evening quite vividly.

It was Andy's birthday and he and Frank (at the time they were or had variously been my flatmates) organised the event.   The night commenced on a Junk with a plentiful supply of booze as we cruised out to Po Toi for the ubiquitous banquet.    Vast quantities of Tsing Tao later - and clutching a case courtesy of the restaurant - we stumbled back to the boat and headed out into the darkness.   We anchored out in the bay and all went for a swim.   It was probably about midnight, pitch dark, we were all seriously the worse for wear.

And no one drowned or even died.

But the strongest memory I ...   more »

Friday 13th was not particularly memorable - unless you were in Hawaii.   San Fran Sean's evening went well and the weekend continued in fine style until Sunday morning... when the earth really shook for him:

The party started off in my hotel condo with 3-4 bottles of Bollinger... then to Vino's... great little wine bar... Chuck Furuya, the owner, did us proud... copious amounts of champagne... nightcaps on the beach at Duke's... great evening... The attached photos show we took over the bar!!!...
 
Then... I suppose it had to happen sometime... and natural disaster on a Friday 13th weekend!!!... On Sunday a 6.6 earthquake off the coast of Hawaii (the big island) at 7.08am... woke me up!!!...
 
It wasn't bad enough that a storm blew in on Saturday evening... very warm but raining... Plan A for Sunday was sailing if it was sunny... Plan B was go hang out in Hank's bar in old Honolulu if it was raining...
We didn't even have a Plan C!!!... Earthquake???... who plans for that!!!... 
Here's a few odd little facts... Power went out around 7.10am... came back on in Waikiki at 8.12pm... that's THIRTEEN hours....
Last big earthquake to affect Oahu/Honolulu... 1975... that's 31 years ago... and yes... reverse 31... THIRTEEN....!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
It rained on and off all day Sunday... I had Bollinger and caviar in the fridge... I was in great shape... after the sun went down Waikiki was crowded and DARK!!!... a few bars were open... cell phone networks were overloaded... Quaffed a few cold ones in the "Big Kahuna"... when the lights went on you could hear the cheering all over the city... very cool...
 
Needless to say, a Friday 13th to remember... Don't you just love it!!!!!....

How will he top that next Friday 13th?

The nanny state continues to be unable to resist interfering in all that they should not.   But their actions are of little consequence if common sense prevails and people get on with their lives.   Unfortunately there are plenty of muppets for whom the new rules are an opportunity to make a fuss over nothing.

The issue that has me wound up today is the insurance firm that has stopped the circulating of birthday cards for staff to sign, amid concern that light hearted "ageist" comments could unwittingly breach the new age discrimination laws.of 'ageist' comments.

The Employment Equality (Age) regulations 2006 came into force on Oct 1, prohibiting direct or indirect harassment or victimisation on the grounds of age.    If there are people who think that a birthday card could in any way constitue 'harassment' they are in need of help.

A member of staff said: "I think it's stupid really. People like to joke about other people getting older, and it's only a bit of fun."   Precisely.

An employment law specialist said: "Gags in birthday cards about people being 'over the hill' will need to be curbed."  Oh, get stuffed.

Are all the greetings card manufacturers are going to have to run the text past their legal departments to ensure compliance?   Are we going to have to buy cards with 'Warning: explicity material' labels on them?

This is pathetic.   Use common sense and good judgement:  legislation for such things is for the mindless.

Regular readers will recall my friend San Fran Sean who, rather than be miserable on Friday 13th, celebrates by hosting a party and only drinking Bollinger Champagne. 

He's sent me an invite, which I am happy to share..... If you are passing I'm sure he'd be delighted to share a glass...

In 2002 I celebrated both Friday 13^th in Hong Kong.

June 2003 was celebrated in San Francisco.

The two in 2004 were in Vancouver B.C. and Miami

May 2005 was in San Francisco and January 2006 was also in San Francisco, where we set a new record of 63 bottles of Bollinger.

October 2006 is in Hawaii

 

Some people consider this to be an unlucky day. I do not! In fact, I have been celebrating Friday 13^th for 29 years (May 1977) by sharing Champagne with friends.

 

October 2006 I will be hosting a party in Honolulu with friends and celebrating with copious amounts of Champagne.

 

Vino Wine Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii

8.00pm…. You know the date!

Why not celebrate Friday the 13th yourself?   We'll be raising a glass or two of Charles Heidseick this evening.

An interesting week at work, with overseas visitors and hence evening functions.   Our workaholic big boss does enjoy a decent dinner and bottle of wine after a full day.   Which is nice.

Dinners have included Chateau Talbot 1997, Cos D'Estournel 1988, a 2000 Soliaia and a 1998 Brunello Di Montalcino.

Thank heavens he does not visit too regularly - my liver could not handle it.

But I'd try.

I'll endeavour to do a more comprehensive post on this later.. with results.. and may even strive for a little more factual accuracy than last year as, allegedly, some of the reporting was sub-standard.

In the meantime I'm pleased to confirm the event was a big success.   Fantastic routes, tests, navigation challenges and timing constraints meant we all had to be on our toes.    The scenery, particularly in the Elan Valley and Black Mountains is quite breathtaking.

All cars completed the tour without mishap or breakdown, food and beverage arrangements worked out well and, even the weather cooperated - for the most part.

So a big thanks to those who took part and to Big Mike for Clerking so expertly.

Roll on 2007 when we can do it all again - somewhere different.

In the words of Basil Fawlty, 'Normal service has been resumed as soon as possible'.

Well, not quite.   We don't yet have full access to phones or broadband at the new house - once again, BT spectacularly failed to deliver on any pre-arranged services.   No wonder they are losing out to the competition.

But the move went well.   Sure, a lot of hard work, with Shivs and Paddy plus countless others working very hard, but we have unpacked a substantial amount of stuff and much of the house looks as though we've been there for months.

My workshop and cellar are almost finished - Big Mikes yet to be started on - stables and car barn coming together well.  

What has dawned on us is how much more we need to do, both in the house and the garden.

At present we're excited rather than daunted at the prospect.   More to come on this I expect!

So, this is it.   Surrounded by cardboard hell we have spent the weekend in limbo.   With nearly everything packed it is quite difficult to know quite what to do.

So we went shopping, ate out, went to the Calley for a last pint with Panther.   And dodged the rain showers - praying it does not tip it down quite so hard today.

So here I sit, waiting for the phone to ring and tell me we can pick up the keys.   Waiting for the removal men to turn up and move this cardboard hell to the new house.

And given that we may be a tad busy, this will be the last post for a few days.

Wish us luck.

Browsing through the papers this morning, I caught this story in the Torygraph.   The British Lawnmower Racing Grand Prix takes place next weekend in West Sussex... 4 classes of Mower.. from Tractor to Roller.



Strangely insane, there is a certain appeal......

Interested to read that the Wild Boar - extinct in England since the 17th Century - is making something of a comeback.   Re-introduced into the wild following the hurricane of 1987 when many farmed animals escaped, they now number some between 500 and 1,000.   After the recent release of animals in Devon, most boar slipped quietly away onto the moors and into the woodlands, their natural habitat.

Now concern is growing that they will become, like foxes, urban vermin, foraging for food in our back gardens and rooting through our bins.

And good foragers they are too.   We experienced them in Hong Kong where wild board and abandoned domestic pigs have come together to create a surprisingly large population around Sai Kung and the Country Park.   They would come down the valley into our garden - before we 'reclaimed it' - towards the end of the year when water was scarce.   I would often see them through the railing when I parked my car but, at the first sign of movement towards them they would be off like a shot.

As we cleared the land and planted vegetables they visited more often - eating all my radishes and generally making a right mess.    Good quality 6ft fencing was the answer....

Now their number is growing in England it means they may be shot..... Roll on the Wiltshire boar population!    I must check if Mr FM is adequately tooled up for such an event.  

It seems a very long time ago since I posted confirmation that we had exchanged contracts on our new house.   And it was... but finally we are being packed as I type and all being well, will begin to move in on Monday.

Moving puts us nearer the school and owning is better than renting, but we will miss our Farmhouse, the beautiful setting and our neighbours, all of which conspired to provide a 'soft landing' for a Hong Kong family.

It's been a great year - and I'm looking forward to the next one.

As the shooting season begins I admit to an degree of anticipation.   The cool mornings, low sun, still, quiet and peaceful.

Happily shattered by the crack of 12 guages.   Well, what did you expect?  Keats?

So yesterday, having texted Mr FM to see if he was up for a few clays I went out into the paddock in search of a pigeon or two.   Crafty so and so's pigeons - they have great eyesight and once spotted they turn away from you in an instant.   Most just flew across the field and into the big chestnut tree.   Oh for a second gun!   But I managed one, crossing left to right and turning slightly away from me - it was a good clean shot, though I say so myself.   And, not having even opened the gun cabinet since February I was feeling pretty smug.

Back indoors for a proper breakfast, which tastes all the better for having done a bit of honest work beforehand and the phone rings.   Mr FM is up for clays.   Hoorah!

Grab kit, cartridges, gun and ear defenders, leap in Land Rover an off we go.

2 hours and one very sore shoulder later I realise a number of things:  I have not completely lost the knack - but I need more practice.   That the instinctive shot - a quick clean mount - is better than thinking about it too much.   Think and the bird is gone.   And how much I've enjoyed shooting.

Roll on the first day of our shoot!

Friends in Hong Kong sent this over .... and on that subject there seems to have been a resurgence of the old e-mail jokes and stories.  Which can only be a good thing.   I will be sharing and enjoying.

This is what marriage is really all about.

He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"

She answered

"THE TEETH."

A few days spent in Iberia - hence the paucity of posts - reminded me firmly of life before the health and safety nasties began to ruin everything.

The morning of my flight I was entertained by the latest numpty exposing the danger of doormats as trip hazards.  Well, we have antique rugs over our carpet in our Madrid office and very attractive they are too.   To date we haven't lost a single client to this mortal danger and staff, who run the gauntlet across the reception several times a day, seem to have managed to deal with it's ever present threat without incident.

This is perhaps why the contractor applying solvent based adhesive prior to putting up the wall covering was happy to smoke as he pasted.

The bars and cafe's too were interesting.   Few non smoking areas in any but the biggest and the surprise of the week was seeing people in airports wandering about puffing away happily, rather than clustered in some smoke filled goldfish bowl, or shivering outside in the rain.

And the reason these issues aren't a problem is simply because they've a degree of common sense and a 'get on with your own life attitude', rather than a non-job civil service bureaucrat muppet waste of space nanny state interfering busy body pain in the neck (are you with me..?) trying to tell you how to run your life.

There.  I feel better already.

And the paella yesteday was absolutely superb.

Many thanks to old pal CB for stumping up for dinner last eve at our favourite Italian eatery in Clerkenwell. 

Visiting from Hong Kong, he's looking to set a record for the amount of IKEA flat pack furniture you can get into a modern flat in Kensington - and doing well by the sound of it - as he settles his youngest into art college.

As Big Mike said, 'It wasn't like this, when I was a student'.

I was in good company, with both of them being past Chairman of the MG Car Club of Hong Kong, needless to say the conversation was pretty much autocentric.

Which is a good thing after 8 hours of 2007 budget planning.

 

Mark Whittaker of Gloucestershire is currently at large after going on the run in June, charged with breaking the terms of his 2003 Asbo, the first banning a man from drinking. The 47-year-old is alleged to have threatened a petrol pump assistant who refused to turn on the machine - ...   more »

Singapore Tim sent this one over.. which I like.. and as I'm too damn busy to sit and write a sensible post, here goes:

A true story, blah, blah, blah.... (yeah, right)

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read ...

"and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused then asked the class: "And what do you think the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter of factly..."I think the man would have said -"Well, **** me!! A talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

A 15-year-old who in August was collared for being drunk in breach of his Asbo escaped when the court heard how a misprint had stated that he must not be seen in public without alcohol. He was also bound by the order to act in a manner likely to cause ...   more »

Somewhat shocked and rather saddened at the death, in what seems to have been a very rare accident (especially given what he did for a living... ) of Steve Irwin,  The Crocodile Hunter.

We used to watch his shows regularly on Cable TV in Hong Kong and his infectious enthusiasm appealed greatly to the kids.

A statement on the Austrlia Zoo website says simply:

At 11am today, the 4th September 2006, Steve Irwin was fatally wounded by a stingray barb to his heart whilst filming a sequence on Batt Reef off Port Douglas for his daughter’s new TV series.
Emergency services were called from Cairns Rescue Base and met Croc One, Steve’s rescue vessel at Low Isle on the Great Barrier Reef.
The Croc One crew performed constant CPR during the thirty minute dash to Low Isle, but the medical staff pronounced Steve dead at approx. 12 noon.

His producer and closest friend, John Stainton said on Croc One today,
“The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest Dads on the planet. He died doing what he loves best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. Crocs Rule!”

A wonderful story in the papers today about Britain's oldest worker, Buster Martin, who is 100 today.  He is being given the day off and taken to the Chelsea ground to be presented a team shirt with 'Buster 100' on the back.

Mr Martin has some wonderfull views on life:

On not working:   "I'd become the most miserable sod you have come across" .

On 'retiring' at 97:   "I didn't enjoy it, too much time on my hands"   ''Boredom is a big killer of men"

On telephones:   "I have never in my life owned a phone – they are a bloody nuisance, you can be sitting peacefully indoors and they start ringing. I hate them."

On Foreign Holidays:   "You are only going to spend a lot of money to go over and do the same things you would do here"

Wonderful.   Happy 100th Buster.

It is a shame that you believe everything you read in the press, I am suprised that an educated individual such as yourself who has reached such lofty hights is so gullible. Do you really believe that bins can be bugged?. I can only assume that the trip to New York has left you with Jet Lag.   Anonymous

I was going to reply, but thought I post it instead:

Oooh harsh words!   The reference to Bin Bugs is merely the name they have popularly acquired.   Do I believe the more imaginitive tabloids assertions that they can determine the contents of your wheelie bin?   Of course not; they are simply electronic id tags - or bar codes as Electric Pete described them - to enable bin recognition.    My complaint overall was the way they were introduced and that, despite the very detailed booklet that accompanied them, no mention was made.   Given that the Council are now anxious to tell us how beneficial they are, it makes me wonder why we weren't sold the idea up front - unless of course they do have other plans.   Time will tell.  I remain a tad cynical.

Barbara kindly sent me this from Hong Kong.   I've seen it before.. but it's always pertinent:

Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children,are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but verbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the ob they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band Aid to a student - but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to ealize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little inher lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. f you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Imagine my surprise, reading the newspaper this weekend, to find we are one of the 500,000 homes whose wheelie bins have been 'bugged'.

Well not any longer.   I prised the thing out with a screwdriver and have sent it back to the council.

This does raise an interesting question:   Why have the council decided to bug all our bins?   Is it in order to start to charge us by weight?   Or to check what we throw away?   And will they stop at looking at our rubbish for recyclabes, or will they be reviewing things more 'forensically'?

They say it is partly to be able to identify to whom a bin belongs (funny, but in the old days a label or roughly painted on house number seemed to work...) and also to ensure they have collected from each house (in the event a householder complains of non collection they would be able to check.

In fact they have made quite a reasonable job of explaining their actions.   But I don't believe a word of it and the reason I don't believe it is quite simple....

When the new wheelie bin was delivered a couple of months ago, it came with a detailed explanation if the councils' new policy on recycling and how we could do our best to support it - for all the right reasons.

Full information was provided on what was acceptable, what was not and, how to dispose of other items - at designated recycling centres in Wiltshire.  Clear guidelines on frequency of collection, recycling bins (free) and tips on rinsing out all bottles prior to disposal (what water shortage?) were uncluded.   In all an eight page full colour booklet ansered all our questions, introduced us to the new rules and sought to steer us in the right direction, openly and honestly.

Except they weren't honest.   The booklet would have been an ideal and appropriate medium in which to inform us about the bin bugs.   I read it from cover to cover last night and there is no mention of it anywhere.

Shame on you Kennet District council.  Your explanations will amount to nought as your complete lack of credibility and honesty are demonstrated so clearly by your actions.

Which is a real pity, because this ill publicised and ill considered secretive action will serve only to put back much needed recycling efforts, rather than advance them.

From Tim in Singapore.. an oldie, but a goodie...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know ... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

Browsing through the New York Times yesterday I came across a feature on a website called Lifes Little Annoyances.   This is a neat idea... based on the principle of not getting mad but getting even.

I thought about it as I walked down the fire escape at 04.24 this morning onto Park Avenue, where I enjoyed a few minutes of fun chatting to the other 350 guests who had been woken up by a false fire alarm, which was nice.   Thought about it again as I walked down the stairs at 06.55 because the lifts were out.

I think I need to research this website and see if there are any suitable 'remedies'.....

In the meantime, here is a fun way to deal with telemarketers:

When one calls, what ever they are selling, act sincerely interested ("Wow! is it ever nice you called, my wife and I were just talking about having our furnace ducts cleaned!...: etc)

Just then, interupt the caller and say, "Just a second, I have a pot boiling over..." (or some other "urgent" excuse) and leave the phone for 5 minutes or so..

Come back on line and appologise profusely (sincerely) for making them wait, ask a few questions to reinforce the idea that you are interested. and then have another urgent excuse to leave the phone...

"Whups! my three yr old is playing at the top of the stairs!!" or some such, again leave the phone for 3-5 minutes...

Keep doing this... it wastes the telemarketer's time, and costs them sales and call speed (both of which are tracked by their bosses).

I managed to waste one carpet cleaner telemarketer's time for more than 1 1/2 hours. This is a personal record, and I challenge you to beat it.

On a side note, one person at work, who used to be a telemarketer told me that they "rate' their phone numbers ranging from "Sucker, will buy anything", to "Troublesome Time wasters", and doing this to one of them would get your number and info placed on the latter, tout de suite. The various telemarketing companies trade(sell) this information to each other, and so "playing the waiting game" will help to get you placed on THEIR "do not call" list

Enjoy.   And wish me better luck tonight.

I'm in NY for a week's business, so posts will likely be less frequent and heavily feature restaurant reviews as we will be 'entertained' most nights by our US colleagues.

Last night we went to Smith and Wollenski's, the famous steakhouse in mid-town Manhattan.  These big 'chain' restaurants all follow a familiar theme.  Average to rude service, average to poor food, pretty good ambience and very average wine lists.

Last night was as expected, save for the wine, which was good.   A long list - entirely US of course - with a reasonable price spread and some with a (little) age.   We settled on a 1999 Lorca Petite Syrah from Napa.   What a surprise.   Huge fruit, good deep colour, high alcohol at 14.2%, very dry and still tannic, it had a few more years in it for sure.

It was so good we had to have a second bottle.   Well, it's the best way I know of to deal with the jet lag.

Jack Edwards, the veteran campaigner for the rights of war veterans widows, died on Sunday in Hong Kong.   A proud Welshman, British Patriot and unrelenting thorn in the side of the British government, whom he believed disgracfully let down the survivors of loyal servants of the Crown, he was also one of the oldest members on the Hong Kong Male Welsh Voice Choir.

I have friends in the choir and was fortunate to meet Jack several times.   The last - at one of the annual Choir concerts - was 2 years ago.   Jack was in the audience, with wife Polly and joined in an impromptu sing-song after the show had officially finished.   Jack was Welsh Choir royalty and the rendition of Men of Harlech, was all for him.

From the Telegraph

Jack Edwards, who has died aged 88, survived the notorious Japanese prisoner-of-war camp and copper mine at Kinkaseki, Taiwan, to become a relentless campaigner for former servicemen and their widows in the Far East.

The greatest triumphs arising from his battles with the British government were the award of pensions to ethnic Chinese veterans and their widows in Hong Kong, agreed in 1991, and the granting of British passports to survivors' wives and widows in the run-up to the handover of Hong Kong to China in 1997. Increasingly exasperated by the government's refusal to give way over the latter issue, Edwards devised a series of elaborate stunts, finally mounting a daily vigil outside Government House in Hong Kong, at which he carried the first Union Jack to be hoisted over Victoria Peak after the Japanese surrender. Eventually he was summoned inside to meet John Major, the prime minister, who was in Hong Kong for final negotiations in early 1996. "Major placed his hand on my arm and said he had some good news," he later recalled. "I said, 'Thank goodness for that.'" Jack Edwards was born at Cardiff on May 24 1918.

Having joined the Royal Corps of Signals, he was a sergeant in Singapore when it fell to the Japanese in 1942. On being taken prisoner, his first job was removing from the beaches the corpses of captives killed by the Japanese at sea and thrown overboard.
 
Later that year he was transferred from Changi jail to the Japanese colony of Taiwan, then known as Formosa. Kinkaseki, in the mountains near Jiufen, never achieved the notoriety of the Burma railway, but is acknowledged to have been among the most brutal of the Japanese camps. Inmates worked the mine daily in tropical heat until they dropped or died in rock-falls. Those failing to meet the steep production targets were beaten viciously by the Japanese and Taiwanese guards. Malnutrition, beri-beri and dysentery claimed many lives. As the end of the war approached, the emaciated survivors were marched to a mountainside south of Taipei, where they were forced to build a new camp in the jungle. Those who made it to the Japanese surrender - 64 out of an original 526 (though some had been transferred elsewhere) - were "walking on the narrow edge between man and animal," Edwards wrote. "All of us looked ghastly, eyes sunken, mere skeletons, covered with rashes, sores, or cuts which would not heal. Others too far gone to save were blown-up with beri-beri, legs and testicles like balloons."

Forty years later he recorded his experiences in a book, Banzai, You Bastards! The title, he said, was not intended to be inflammatory, but referred to the only release from suffering, other than death, that the prisoners enjoyed: as the Americans advanced across south-east Asia, bombing raids would force the guards and camp commanders into shelters; the inmates would emerge from their huts and, when no one was looking, cheer on the bombers with borrowed war-cries. On one occasion Edwards was overheard and beaten with bamboo rods.

The book was translated and published in Japan (where Edwards was, in his later years, to make many friends) under the more conciliatory title Drop Dead, Jap! While a PoW Edwards had discovered that a tunnel built into a nearby hillside was to be the prisoners' tomb: orders had been given that, should the Americans land in Taiwan, the PoWs were to be taken there and shot. After the war he returned to Kinkaseki with war crimes investigators, and gave evidence at the subsequent trial in Tokyo.

 Edwards spent a year recuperating in London, then returned to south Wales, where he worked in local government; but he was unable to settle, and in 1963 took up a post in the housing department of the Hong Kong administration. There he became active in the Royal British Legion and the Hong Kong Ex-Servicemen's Association.

Among the successful campaigns which he supported were the effort by former "comfort women" to force the Japanese government to admit that their enslavement into prostitution was an official policy, not just a by-product of war; and, in 1986, the granting of British passports to Hong Kong ex-servicemen. He was greatly outraged to discover that ethnic Chinese servicemen, and their widows, were not entitled to war pensions, unlike the British alongside whom they had fought. "When I first learned this, I assumed it must have been a mistake, an oversight," he said later. "When I wrote to the Ministry of Defence and found it was policy, I felt deeply ashamed to be British, though I had always been a patriot."

On having this wrong rectified in 1991, Edwards turned his attention to winning passports for ex-servicemen's wives and widows, whom the British government had decided did not qualify to be part of the scheme which gave citizenship to 50,000 Hong Kong residents before the handover. Edwards argued that a clause offering 6,300 passports in recognition of "special services to the Crown" could be used for the women, but he was repeatedly rebuffed. As well as writing letters to the administration and government, he raised the issue with visiting politicians and eventually won the support of the last governor, Chris Patten. At one point, he ambushed John Major while the prime minister was on an official visit to Tokyo.

In 1995, at the parade down the Mall commemorating the 50th anniversary of VJ Day, he carried a protest banner. By the time of Major's change of heart, Edwards had come to be seen even by some sympathisers as a "difficult" character, with his daily Union Jack vigil outside Government House. But in the wake of the decision, beneficiaries of his campaigns wrote to the South China Morning Post demanding Edwards be given a knighthood.

In the end, he was appointed OBE in the Birthday Honours' List of 1997, to add to his earlier MBE.

Edwards's first marriage did not survive the war. In the 1970s he met Polly Tam So-lan, a former member of a Chinese People's Liberation Army dance troupe. She and Edwards married in 1990, and lived in a flat in Sha Tin new town. Edwards, who spoke fluent Cantonese, insisted on hanging his Union Jack from his window on Remembrance Day. The couple shared a love of dancing, which they practised in their small living-room to recordings of Taiwanese songs.

Jack Edwards, who died on Sunday, is survived by his wife and her daughter by her first marriage.