The Team
Tricky and Jimmy the Snake. MG Midget
Toolkit Tim and Electric Pete. MG Midget.
New York Nick and Peachy. MGBGT
Noodle and Brixton Boy. MX-5
In truth the title of this piece is only partially correct as we spent almost half a day in Belgium, around the charming town of Montherme, in the middle of the Ardennes.
The event was a resounding success on a number of counts. First, none of the cars actually broke – beyond the odd minor electrical gremlin, my clutch / overheating problems and almost total lack of brakes at the end of some of the tests, that is. Second, the routes and tests were fabulous – great empty roads, stunning scenery and demanding, challenging tests. Third, the food and wine was terrific – about which more below. Fourth, the weather was very kind – bright and sunny for all but the first day. Fifth, we all had a lot of fun.
Highlights:
Friday: Day -1
The small convoy from Wiltshire headed via A roads to Folkestone. God what a long drive…. 6.5 hours including some comfort breaks and rush hour through a few towns. Dinner was in the Travel Inn restaurant – it could only get better from here.
Saturday: Day 2
Tunnel train from Folkestone to Calais. This is where the trouble started and we were delayed by nearly 2 hours, which we failed to catch up over the whole weekend. A nice chap kept us informed of their collective incompetence via the tannoy, in English and French, but we were still late. They sort of made up for it by accidentally managing to put us all in the same train car for the journey where we were all able to stand and watch as one of our number polished his car. This was not to be the first time.
French weather being somewhat mixed we had to stop a few times and fiddle with the soft-tops, but we covered good ground and were amazed at the quality and emptiness of the roads.
We stopped for lunch in the only town in France with people in it – all the villages are uniformly deserted… it’s really odd…where do the people go? Parked up in a crowded cobbled town square in the light rain we spotted the nearest restaurant and headed in for a late lunch. Now here’s a thing. In England we would have been met with a ‘no can do mate, we’re closed now, it’s 2:01 and the chef’s put all the tins back in the fridge’. Not so en france … Dejeuner, pour dix persons? Pas de probleme, M’sieur. At 3:00. You never, ever have an ordinary meal in France.
Refreshed we got back in our cars and headed off for Test 1.
We all calibrated our trip meters to enable us to factor in the appropriate amount of error (under or over-reading) which can then be adjusted using our speed tables – very high tech – in order we can attempt to complete the route exactly on time. The rules of the tests were explained and a bemused group of navigators and drivers headed off into the scenery, one minute apart.
Here’s the trick. You must stick religiously to 30mph, obey all traffic signals and road signs. And you try really hard to do that. Up until you get lost and have to retrace your steps to find out where you went wrong and then make up the time….and that’s when you drive like a psycho.
Test one was a resounding success as we all passed each other going in different directions each equally convinced the others guys had got it so wrong. The finish was earlier than expected and naturally Big Mike was grinning from ear to ear as he surprised us…. I think we ‘won’. Sort of.
By now we were running a little late so we decided to defer the second test and head for the hotel – anticipating the evenings indulgences. The whole crew – Elf included – were on time in the lobby where our taxis awaited. Except me. I was fast asleep in front of the telly.
The first nights restaurant in Compeigne was a Michelin One Star restaurant. It was remarkable on a number of counts. It was extremely pink. And all the waiting staff were women. What’s odd about that? Well, waiters in France are just that. Waiters. Not waitresses. Not that it put us off. Within 20 minutes we had set fire to one of their posh menu’s and consumed two bottles of decent champagne. We would have tucked away a third, but the service was … shall we say leisurely.
The Maitre’d refused to speak English so New York Nick and I translated with some spectacular results. You’ll have to wait, I’m saving that one. Food was exquisite. Ambience a little stuffy. Company excellent. There was also a fair bit of bullshit about the Test if I recall…
Part 2 tomorrow