Singapore Tim sent this one over.. which I like.. and as I'm too damn busy to sit and write a sensible post, here goes:

A true story, blah, blah, blah.... (yeah, right)

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read ...

"and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused then asked the class: "And what do you think the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter of factly..."I think the man would have said -"Well, **** me!! A talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Walking through St. Helier High St. in Jersey on Tuesday, you should have seen the amount of discounted 'Ingerrrlaaand' logo'd kit on sale ....  Cheap T shirts by the gross.  I bet all those plonkers with flags on their cars feel.. well, like plonkers now.

So, thank heaven it is all over.   Two Shags and the usual political blood letting dominate the news again, even pushing the demise of Enron's Ken Lay to the depths of page 5.   Proof, if we ever needed it, that in the battle for the front page, a good political scandal has no equal.

I will end my cup comments by appending a joke, which is in effect a rehash of a fairly poor taste one set in South Africa, during apartheid.  I'll say no more..

Out on her royal yacht the queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large shark.

Through her binoculars she could see it was Christian Ronaldo, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark! The queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yachts top speed would never get them there in time.

At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white tops sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilising it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling ...... It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.

On reaching yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries." She knighted them and sailed away. As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!

"That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and knows everything about our country."

"Well," Rooney replied, "she knows F all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up?"

Thanks to Stuart for that one.

The internet is a wonderful thing,    Surfing, searching for inspiration for a blog for today about Dan Brown, I came across a site about ambigrams and then a link to this site.....Backwards Bush.   Tenuous links indeed...and more about Dan Brown later.. if I have time dear reader....

I digress...clearly not a republican site, it contains a backwards counter, because counting backwards makes time pass more quickly (?), displaying how long Dubya has left in office.

They are also offering for sale a keyring countdown - simply a must have for all good democrats this season - and offer a tempting list of reasons why you need one:

1. You'll never again be mistaken for a Republican.
2. Wearing one around your neck helps to keep Republicans away and smells much better than garlic.
3. You can attach a magnet or tape to the back of it and hang it anywhere you damn well please!
4. Carrying a BackwardsBush keychain will make it much easier on the Secret Service to identify you when they break into your house in the middle of the night to take you to Guantanamo.
5. In case of impeachment, keychain can easily be reset to reflect new departure date.
6. It's worth buying one just to see how ticked off Republicans get when they see it.
7. Purchasing a BackwardsBush keychain instantly qualifies you for "Enemy Combatant" status.
8. You might as well spend your money on a keychain now, because if social security gets privatized, you won't have any money left!!!
9. Once Bush gets his judges on the bench, the keychains will be illegal (and therefore a collector's item).
10. Since you're reading this, you're probably already being spied on by the NSA so you might as well make it worth it!!!

Wonderful....and it put a smile on my face today.

On Screaming

1. Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time.
2. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point ...   more »

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all ...   more »

Overheard at a recent British Council of offices luncheon in London, a quote from Sir Digby Jones, Director General of the CBI:

"I've learned to never trust what a politician says. Watch what they do".

Never more true than today.   more »

Every news story provides material for humour. The black ones appear immediately after any disasters.. but the best are the short and simple like this:

Kate Moss had just been introduced to Jeremy Clarkson at a smart celeb party -

"What do you do?" she asked

"Top Gear" he replied

...   more »

Thanks to Brixton Boy for sending these... more over the next few days.....

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

In the 1400s a law was set forth that a man was ...   more »

Laws Pertaining to Dessert

1. For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.
2. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these If you have eaten most of your meat, ...   more »

The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutter who digs things out of his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archaeological finds. This guy really exists and does this in ...   more »

It does seem a little unkind, since we had such a fabulous weekend in France, that I should post such a blog. Truth is I was looking through my sad collection of internet sourced humour and there is a lot of French stuff. Some of it good too.

There was ...   more »